Wild Turkeys

The Wild Turkey is the largest North American game bird.  Females are brown with slight iridescence, the males' plumage is ruffled iridescent bronze.  He has a large fan tail and bare blue and red skin on his head and neck.

Male and female Wild Turkeys travel in separate groups.  They wander through woods and clearings in search of food.  At night, the birds roost in trees.

During mating season, the males display for the females.  Toms woo hens by strutting their manliness with wings spread, chest puffed up and tail fanned.  He also gobbles and hums alluringly.  The gobble can sometimes be heard a mile away.

Males mate with multiple females and do not participate in rearing the offspring.  The female scratches a depression for a nest on the ground under a shrub or beside a tree trunk.  She doesn't bother much about lining the nest -any dead leaves or plant material that happen to be there suffice.  She lays 4-17 eggs and has one brood per year.  When the youngsters are about 1 day old, they follow mom around and quickly learn to find food on their own.

Some Wild Turkey Facts

-  incubation:  25-31 days

-  nestling:  1 day

-  length:  43-45 inches

-  wingspan:  49-57 inches

-  weight:  88-381 ounces

-  diet:  berries, buds, ferns, seeds, bulbs, moss, nuts, insects, snails, salamanders

-  found in most of the US, parts of Mexico, parts of Canada

-  predators:  coyotes, bobcats, raccoons, mountain lions, Golden Eagles, Great Horned Owls, humans

-  nest predators:  rodents, birds, snakes, woodchucks, foxes, skunks, opossums 

 

 

Turkeys are capable of running and flying.  However, they usually choose to walk.

 

 

 

 

 

Hear some turkey calls.

Pop Culture Frenzy, Round 20

Welcome once again to Pop Culture Frenzy.  Now, our question.

Recently in Michigan, a woman entered a bank, brandished a bag she claimed contained a bomb and made off with some cash.  This bank robber was subsequently caught.  She was taken into custody along with her bag.  The contents of the bag where examined.  There was something in the bag, but it was not a bomb.

What was in the bag?
Fluffy?

 

Dang, I heard about this but can't

 remember what was in the bag.

  It was something edible, I think.

 

Hostmaster:  close, but not close enough.

Molly?

 

 

 

 

 

A squirrel?

 

 

 

Hostmaster:  incorrect.

 

 

 

 

 

I remember now!

It was a jar of spaghetti sauce.

 

 

 

 

Hostmaster:  correct.  However, you went out of turn.  Therefore, I declare no winner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spaghetti sauce in a jar is full of fat and salt.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

She was robbing a bank

 for crying out loud.

  If she was hungry for spaghetti,

 you'd think her plan would be to use some

 of the stolen money and go to a nice

 restaurant- not to drink bottled sauce. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 A cautionary tale!  Stay off the sauce!

 

 

 

 

 

 

We end this round with a groaner.

   No.  Make that a lemento!

I've got a sudden hankering
 for spaghetti.  Mangia! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Round 20

Fluffy/Molly  9

Bryan/Cyndi  9

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



George and Fluffy

I heard on the radio

 that some woman was

 in a run-away  SUV.

 

                                                                               

Yeah, I heard that too.

The accelerator was stuck.

She dialed 911.

I know I'm just a dog but I

can't help wondering why she

didn't put it in neutral

and stomp on the brake.

What did she think

the 911 operator could do?  

 

                                                                                                             

                                                                                        

It worries me sometimes that

 many people fail to act

 to help themselves.

Breed Profile: Mastiff

Pictures and descriptions of mastiff-like dogs go back as far as 4,000 years ago.  Mastiffs have been used to guard flocks and families.  Mastiffs have served as hunters for such game as lions and wild horses.  Mastiffs have been called upon to fight, in wars, as gladiators and for bull and bear baiting.

The Mastiff of today is a guardian.  Not, however, the type of guard dog that patrols the grounds, but  the type of guardian that lives with and protects his family.

Indeed, the Mastiff would rather not be left outside all the time.  He prefers to be with his people.  Though not a high energy dog, he is strong steady presence, calm and easy going.  The Mastiff is gentle, even with children pulling on his ears.

Because the Mastiff is very large and heavy, if he accidentally steps on your toe or wags his tail over a fully set coffee table, breakage may occur.

 

 

 

Some Mastiff Facts

 

-  also known as:  Old English Mastiff

 

-  weight:  120-230 pounds

 

-  height:  27-30 inches (at shoulder)

 

-  life span:  9-11 years

 

-  short double coat

 

-  coat colors:  fawn, apricot, brindle, with dark muzzle, ears and nose

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mastiff Manifesto

 

 

-  once I know the rules of the house, I will follow them, in my own good time

 

-  if you want a giddy emoter, get a Bishon Frise.  Meanwhile, hold still while I lean on you.

 

-  that's right.  I drool.  Keep towels handy or I'll be forced to use your lap as a napkin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chipmunks

Chipmunks are small Ground Squirrels.  (Prairie Dogs, by the way, are large Ground Squirrels.)  Ground Squirrels, as the name implies, spend the bulk of their time on the ground.  Chipmunks are however, quite capable of climbing, and do climb.

Omnivores, the Chipmunk eats a variety of foods, including seeds, nuts, fruits, buds, grass, shoots, fungi, insects, worms, and bird eggs.

Most chipmunks dig burrows in the ground with an area for sleeping, nesting and storing food.  The burrow is accessed by one or more tunnels.  Some chipmunks live in logs, bushes or bird nests.

Not true hibernators, Chipmunks go into a state of torpor.  To prepare for winter, Chipmunks don't store fat in their bodies, they store food.  They gather the food, carry it in their cheeks, then place it in their nest to be eaten later.

Chipmunks are solitary and pretty much ignore each other until Spring when they mate.  The pair typically has one litter of 2-8 pups.  The youngsters stay with mom and dad for about 2 months.  Then the family separates.

Some Chipmunk Facts

-  approximately 25 species

-  average life span:  2-3 years

-  size:  body 4-7 inches, tail 3-5 inches

-  weight:  1-5 ounces

-  gestation:  30 days

-  predators:  hawks, cats, foxes, snakes, weasels, coyotes

-  range:  all over the world, in forests, deserts, rocky areas, grassy areas

Pop Culture Frenzy, Round 19

Welcome once again to Pop Culture Frenzy.   Here's our question.

A bicycle belonging to an associate math professor at Iowa Lakes Community College was repeatedly vandalized.  Who did it?
Fluffy?

 

A disgruntled colleague?

 

 

 

Hostmaster: incorrect.

Bryan?

 

 

 

A disgruntled student?

 

 

 

 

 

Hostmaster:  incorrect.

Cyndi?

 

 

 

 

 

 

A spurned lover?

 

 

 

 

 

Hostmaster:  incorrect.

Molly?

 

 

 

 

A squirrel?

 

 

 

Hostmaster:  Correct.  Some other professor came forward with a photo of the squirrel "attacking" the bike tires.

 

 

 

 

Another professor "came forward" with a photo? 

Sounds fishy.  I think Fluffy and I got it right.

  It was a disgruntled person.

The squirrel was hired to vandalize the bike,

 then was thrown under the bus, so to speak. 

 

 

 

 

Yeah!  But I still think it was a spurned lover!

  We all know who ugly failed relationships can get!

 

 

 

 

 

On the other hand, photos can be doctored.

  Perhaps the photo implicating the squirrel is a cover-up

for something even more nefarious.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Could be the real culprit was a
 former student/colleague/lover of the math professor,
further embittered because this associate

 animal behaviorist professor's

 life work has been foiled by uncooperative animals.
Darn elegant solution employing a squirrel for the hit!

 

 

 

 

Haha!  I can sort of relate to wanting

 revenge against uncooperative animals!

 

 

 

Is that a dig?

 

 

 

 

 

Perhaps it was a random attack.
This math professor guy was simply unlucky.

 

 

 

 

Or maybe the math professor is a dork and

 nobody likes him.  People can be cruel.

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe he was the only dork who rides his

bike to school.

 

It's probably a "hate" crime.
  Lots of people hate math!

 

Was the squirrel allowed to make a statement

 or did they convict solely on a photograph? 

 

 

 

 

 

The squirrel does not appear to have been

 given an opportunity to offer his side of the story.

 Meanwhile the math professor now

 parks his bicycle inside the building.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Round 19

Fluffy/Molly  9

Bryan/Cyndi   9

 

 

 

 

 

Not all Dog Walkers are the Same

Obviously.  Not all dog walkers are the same.  Not all grocery store clerks are the same either.  Nor are all plumbers or accountants.

Now, what brought on this tirade, you ask? 

Dogs are always on my mind.
Halloween is coming.
An old customer rehired me to walk her dog.

All this brought to mind something that happened a few weeks ago.
I was shopping at my local Farmer's Market, as I do on most Saturday mornings during the growing season.  From across the cavernous room I heard a voice, "hey Lynn!"  There, on the other side of the building, stood my hairdresser. I made my way over there and learned that that morning she was standing in for her sister who sells grape leaves and hummus and other delicious things at the Farmer's Market. (I must confess, I'd never noticed that booth before - probably because I'm always focused on lettuce and whatever berry is in season.)  After we exchanged greetings, my hairdresser turned to acknowledge a woman standing just behind her.  She said, "Poopsie is a dog walker too."  

I smiled at Poopsie and said hello.

Poopsie narrowed her eyes at me and said nothing. 

She then thrust a binder under our noses.  Poopsie pointed to photos displayed on the pages of the binder.  The photos featured dogs wearing reindeer antlers, clown outfits, stuffed pumpkin suits, pirate ensembles and assorted other clothing and accessories.

Poopsie squealed about the cuteness of it all.

My hairdresser and I muttered in unison, "poor dogs."








And now for an important announcement.



When hiring a dog walker, after you've checked references and compared rates and whatnot, please check the Cuteness Factor of that dog walker.   Therein lies a big clue regarding compatibility.



This message brought to by the management of Bad Dog Ranch.

Pop Culture Frenzy, Round 18

Welcome once again to Pop Culture Frenzy.  Since actual Pop Culture often bores me, our question is shall we say, anthropological.  Well, it serves nicely anthropological in our weird little anthropomorphic world.  Anyway, I find it mildly interesting, and our contestants might too- not that that matters to me, of course.

Now, our question.  Why do dogs walk in circles before they lay down?
Fluffy?

To flatten a spot in the grass- it's

 an innate response..

Hostmaster:  that's a popular theory which I deem incorrect.
Cyndi?

 

They're twerking!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sigh.  Our pop culture hiatus

 lasted all of 5 seconds.

 

 

 

 

 

Hostmaster:  Too true, Bryan.  That is incorrect, Cyndi.

Molly?

 

 

 

 

 

To smush down or fluff up the area

  to make it more comfortable to sleep on.

 

 

 

 

Hostmaster:  sounds reasonable but is incorrect.

 

 

 

 

You're a bird, how do you know how a dog

 gets comfortable, for crying out loud!

 

 

 

 

Hostmaster:  don't get snippy with me, sister.  I don't have to know.  I'm running this show.  What I say goes.  Now, back to it.

Bryan?

 

 

 

 

 

They turn in a circle to check

 for danger on all sides. 

 

 

 

 

Hostmaster:  very sensible.  Incorrect.

Fluffy?

 

 

 

 

 

Preferring to sleep with their

nose to the wind, they circle

 to determine wind direction.

 

 

 

 

Hostmaster:  interesting.  Incorrect.

Cyndi?

 

 

 

 

They turn around to orient

themselves to curl up to sleep.

 

 

 

 

Hostmaster:  that is an intelligent answer.  I'm proud of you Cyndi.  Still, I say it's incorrect.

Bryan?

 

 

 

 

 

They do it to dig a hole.  A hole is cooler when

 the weather is hot and warmer when it's cold. 

 

 

 

 

Hostmaster: makes sense but incorrect.

 

 

 

 

Why don't you just admit that you

 don't know the answer!  Such adaptive behaviors

might remain in a species indefinitely

 and begin from a source we can never determine.

 This isn't something that can be studied to produce hard data.

  It's all theory.  

 

 

 

Hostmaster:  correct.

 

 

 

So ends this round of Pop Culture Frenzy.

 

 

 

Round 18

Fluffy/Molly   8

Bryan/Cyndi   9