Friday, October 20, 2017

Breed Profile: Great Pyrenees

The Great Pyrenees (AKA Pyrenean Mountain Dog) was originally used as a flock guardian.  The breed has been around at least since 3000 B.C. when nomadic shepherds brought their sheep and dogs to the Pyrenees Mountains.  Today, many GP's still work as guardians.  Many are pets,  companions, therapy dogs.

Some Great Pyrenees Facts
 - lifespan 10-12 years
-  height:  25-32 inches at shoulder
-  weight:  85-115 pounds
-  double dewclaws on hind legs
-  double coat in white or white with some markings.  The undercoat is dense and wooly, the outer coat is coarse and straight
-  recognized by the American Kennel Club in 1933, a member of the Working Group

The Great Pyrenees is often described as majestic.  (Strangely, the Fright Wig is rarely mentioned.)
GP's are also described as calm, confident, alert, affectionate, strong willed, gentle with family and animals of the home, suspicious of strangers, fearless and serious.

 Great Pyrenees Manifesto

- yes, I do bark a lot.  It's because I take my guardian job seriously.

-  if you are looking for a dog who loves everything and everybody that wanders by, get a Golden Retriever

-  you needn't trouble yourself telling me what to do.  I have everything under control.  You're welcome. 

I don't always sit down on the job.  But when I do, it's in a comfortable chair.

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Pop Culture Frenzy, Round 62

Welcome once again to Pop Culture Frenzy.  Most people have heard about Hillary Clinton's latest literary effort entitled, "What Happened".  Now there's talk of making a movie based on this book.

Who should star in it?

There was that alt right propaganda movie 
last year.  They need to get the truth out.  
Ashley Judd should play Hillary.

Hostmaster:  Ashley Judd certainly has a flair for righteous indignation.  Good choice.

Chelsea Handler would make
a good Hillary.  They share a similar
 pale faux feminist arrogance.

Hostmaster:  and a similar squirrelly voice.

Here's an idea for the Halloween season. 
They should do the movie from
Vince Foster's point of view.
Trouble is, the only actors I 
can think of to play him are dead.

Hostmaster:  Seth Rich isn't available either.

You want scary?  How about starring 
that woman who has her picture taken 
while on the toilet.  You know,
the one who is mean to her 
dog and her little sister?

Good choice.  The camera does
 love Lena Dunham.  Personally, 
I think Megan Kelly should play Hillary.
  Megan has that slimy former attorney vibe
 that could really bring the role to life.   

Round 62
Fluffy/Molly  30
Bryon/Cyndi   27

For more about the Hillary horror movie here.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

For the "I Didn't Know That!" File

Here's a couple things I learned this summer.

Herons are not the solitary creatures I thought they were.  Last week I saw no fewer than 3 sets of at least 10 Herons flying overhead in V formation.

Herons fly rather low, making identification easy. 

Another thing I learned is that Groundhogs can climb trees.

How about that?  Groundhogs are chubby squirrels!

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Pop Culture Frenzy, Round 61

Welcome once again to Pop Culture Frenzy.  Something rather extraordinary occurred in Worms, Germany to a guy working out at a gym.

What happened?

He got pinned under a set of princess dumbbells?

Hostmaster:  incorrect.

He got offered a modeling contract?

Hostmaster:  incorrect.

He fell on the treadmill and got
 his tongue caught in the gears?

Hostmaster:  close.  Well, in a way.  Here's a hint.  Weight plate.

I sure hope I'm wrong.
He inserted his member in
the weight plate hole?

Hostmaster:  correct.  You might call it an exclusive membership.

A musclehead's knothole!

There's a hole,
 there's a hole, there's a hole!

How did he get, um, out of the weight plate?

The excitement waned and he faded
into Worm history!

Hostmaster:  not exactly.  He required some help from firemen and their tools.  Here's a visual.

I predict that new warning labels
will appear in weight rooms all
over the world.

This round is over.
Read about the gym rat's adventure here.

Round 61
Fluffy/Molly  29
Bryan/Cyndi   25

Monday, September 18, 2017

Adventures of the Updating Profile Pic, Part 2

Clearly, my visage isn't the star of the show.  Never was.  My mother took a pictures of me every year on my birthday.  Alas, there were probably two pretty good pics out of fifty.  My high school pictures had to be retaken because none of the shots were any good the first time around.  And that involved a professional photographer.  History paints a bleak picture.

What does all this mean for the future of my profile picture?  Well...

We could try random things that are pretty.

We could try random things that are disturbing.

Perhaps random things that have little meaning.

Speaking of disturbing and of little meaning.  Consider my "art".

Wait.  How about this? Self portrait without mirror.

Maybe this?  Self portrait with mirror.

Unfinished.  The result of trauma.  You'd be traumatized too if you discovered at such a late date that you had a WC Fields nose.

Maybe this would better.  Portrait of Malcom without mirror.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Time for an Updated Photo

 Help me decide on a new profile picture.  Cast your vote now!  Vote early and often!

I rather like this one.  You can't see my wrinkles or my big butt.  Unfortunately, you can't see Clover either.

Lily looks good in this one.  Come to think of it, maybe she should write this blog too.

How about this one?     I call it:   Lynn, Armed with only a Sawzall, Bags her Limit.

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Fresh from the Homestead

There's some good harvesting going on.

Can't beat a summer salad of tomatoes, cucumbers and duck.

Sounds good!  Wait.  What?!

Tuesday, August 29, 2017


Things are in gloom here at the Bad Dog Ranch.

Last week we said good-bye to our dear old friend, Lois.

We miss sweet Lois.

We will always miss sweet Lois.

Monday, August 21, 2017

Fluffy and George, Eclipsed

When it happens, we're not
supposed to look at it.

It's too bright.

Like the Son.

Friday, August 11, 2017

Pop Culture Frenzy, Round 60

Welcome once again to pop Culture Frenzy.  Let's go directly to our question.

A Colorado couple was rudely awakened one recent early morning by their SUV.  What happened?

The lunar eclipse set off
the vehicle's alarm?

Hostmaster:  incorrect.

While everybody was distracted
by the eclipse, space alien convicts
 escaped and come to earth.
After crashing their space craft, 
they took the SUV, planning to flee to
the mountains.

Hostmaster:  incorrect.

Their dog used the SUV
to chase squirrels?

Hostmaster:  incorrect.

A homeless person needing
shelter was sleeping in
the SUV?

It's August.  Wouldn't the
homeless person be more comfortable
outside of a stuffy vehicle?

There are lots of bugs in
August, even during a 
lunar eclipse.  

Hostmaster:  Bryan?

Their teenager took the SUV
for a joyride.  His parents awoke to witness
him racing up and down the street 
spinning donuts on the neighbors' lawns.

Hostmaster:  close enough.  Here's what happened.  A bear entered the SUV and managed to get it into neutral.  The vehicle rolled down the driveway, took out a mailbox and a utility box.  Not only was the SUV totaled on the outside, the inside was trashed too.  The culprit was not found at the scene but was identified by a poop sample he left behind.

The bear was probably just trying
 to get away from bugs.

Nah.  Evil space aliens used
the moon's eclipsted rays
to control the bear.

This round is over.
Read about the joyrider here.

I can understand borrowing
an SUV, but pooping in
it is going too far.

Round 60
Fluffy/Molly  29
Bryan/Cyndi   24