Friday, July 20, 2018

It's that Time Again

Here is our annual It's Hot Enough for Malcom to be Outside picture.

Friday, July 6, 2018

Pop Culture Frenzy, Round 69

Welcome once again to Pop Culture Frenzy.  Our question involves a sales savvy Canadian who rented a booth at a Vancouver festival.  Determined to get in on the super food scam, er, trend, he  invented his own power water to offer festival attendees.

What kind of water did he sell to the fancy folk for 38 bucks a pop?

Pomegrante water?

Hostmaster:  incorrect.  That is so yesterday's super food.

Bird bath water?

Hostmaster:  incorrect.

Broccoli sprout water?

Hostmaster:  incorrect.  You guys aren't going to get this without a hint.  Consider other edible things that are offered at fairs.  Then consider how the water that accompanies these items might be marketed as the latest health craze.  Put on your entrepreurial thinking cap.

Beer backwash water.

Hostmaster:  incorrect.  You're thinking like a vulgar hick.  You must think like a marketing genius.

Elephant ear water?

Hostmaster:  incorrect.

Hot dog water?

Hostmaster:  correct.

That's not fair.  You gave hints and
 he got an extra chance.

Hostmaster:  alert the media! Ms. Broccoli Water has discovered that Pop Culture Frenzy isn't fair!

In case you forgot Cyndi, Bryan is on your team.  
Tell you what, if it'll ease your sense of justice, 
feel free to renounce your point for this round.      

Forget it.  Justice schmustice.  

All decisions rendered by the Hostmaster are final
 and not subject to review.   This round is over.

Round 69
Fuffy/Molly   34
Bryan/Cyndi  32

Read about the master salesman here.

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

July 4, 2018


We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. 

-Thomas Jefferson

Sunday, July 1, 2018

A Rare Sighting

In the nearly four years that we've been here at the rural homestead, we've never seen a pigeon.  That changed the other day,  when this dandy appeared.

He hung out on the garage roof for a short time then vanished.

What do you suppose was on his mind?   Recalibrating his homing, perhaps?

Thursday, June 14, 2018

The Invasion of the Barn Swallows

At first I was delighted to see them.  April showers bring mosquitoes, after all, and these birds eat mosquitoes. Their flight patterns are amazing.  Surely, fighter jet designers used Barn Swallows as a pattern.  I welcomed their presence.  I applauded their efforts.

My admiration turned to something darker when a pair of Barn Swallows decided that the garage was a good place to build a nest.

Come on, I hear you ask.  What possible harm could there be in hosting a family of Barn Swallows in your garage?

For one thing, there's the little matter of the mess that birds tend to make.  There are limits to the sort of, er, material, I'm willing to allow on the seat of my tractor. A Pomeranian with a bad attitude is one thing.  Excrement is quite another. Those overhead lights are for illumination, not to provide a pallet for a nest made of mud.

That's right.  Mud.  Look, I'm not fastidious about my car.  We live on a dirt road, for crying out loud!  Still, dirt and mud on the hood of the vehicles that occurs INSIDE the garage, is a bit over the top.  Not to mention bird droppings on the tools hanging on the walls, on the assorted bins holding important things like duck food, homemade compost, seeds, and other stuff that's in that garage.  Furthermore, look at this!

Mr. Barn Swallow on top of a ladder!  What goes up must come down.  Poop is certainly no exception.

Let's let the late, highly revered, greatly missed and irrepressibly perspicacious Lester explain.  Lester in his ineffably calm way would say, "look, it's a garage.  It's your garage.  Just because these birds want to build a nest on the side of an overhead light doesn't make it a good idea.  Run them off. "

Alas, it isn't as easy as it sounds.  Those swallows are stubborn.  Not as stubborn as I am though!  They plop mud on the overhead light, I scrape it off.  Sometimes I get to it while it's still wet!    Heads up!  Swallow spit infused mud incoming!

Now you know why there are so many pictures of me wearing a hat.

Learn more about Barn Swallows here.

Sunday, June 3, 2018

Pop Culture Frenzy, Round 68

Welcome once again to Pop Culture Frenzy. Today's question involves someone named Rubble who recently celebrated his 30th birthday.

Who is Rubble and what is the big deal about his birthday?

Rubble must be a rap artist.
Thirty is a rare milestone 
for rap artists.

Hostmaster:  incorrect.

Rubble is a transgendered individual who
bravely endured cruel treatment
from right wing bigots for staying
true to herself.

Hostmaster:  incorrect.

Rubble is a nickname given to a
thirty year old tree that has grown
 wild in the middle of a landfill. 

Hostmaster:  incorrect.

Rubble is a cat who lives in
England.  They're saying he's the
oldest cat in the world.  Actually,
the oldest cat was Cream Puff
who was 38 when he died. 

Hostmaster:  correct.

So how much is that in
people years?

I don't know what that means.

Molly doesn't understand anthropocentric
thinking.  It's one of her most
 endearing qualities.

Spoken like a true dog.

Yay!  Cat fight!

 This round is officially over.
  Unofficially, I say we finish this
 cat fight in a more suitable location.
  Let's reconvene at the bar down the street!

Round 68
Fluffy/Molly    34
Bryan/Cyndi     31

Read about Rubble here.

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Of the Collective

Collective nouns, that is.  There are cool words to describe groups of critters.  You know, a herd of cattle, a hum of bumblebees, a bucket of pheasants, a kindle of kittens, a business of ferrets....

A crow considers participating in a murder.

This member of an army of frogs is on guard duty.

Here we have a small charm of finches.

A bunch of ants are called a colony, clump or swarm.  The correct term probably depends on the activity going on or type of ant being described. We know this for sure.  Ants of the magic marker variety are called a drawing of ants.

This squirrel is on time out from his scurry.

A gang of turkeys looking for trouble.  Such hoodlum turkeys are also known as a raft.

A term inspired by famous bad guy George Raft?

Ducks stand in a puddling.

A dole of doves sit on a rock.

This is not a knot of toads.

One walking stick short of a faggot.  (OK.  I made that one up.)

Saturday, May 12, 2018

Robin vs his Doppelganger

It began innocently enough.  Mr. Robin sought a mate with which to nest.

The trouble began during that necessary part of the courtship process that involves chasing away romantic rivals.

Mr. Robin had the tools:  manly good looks, courage, persistence.   Somehow, it went wrong.

You know that game where you stand before a mirror and chant taunts to dare evil to come through?

Mr. Robin played that game.  He's spending the season battling his own reflection.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Robin has moved on to nest with a mate that isn't going the way of Narcissus.