Friday, November 10, 2017

Henry vs The Itch

Poor Henry.  It's not easy being a small dog in a big dog household. As if that wasn't enough of a load for his scrawny shoulders to bear, a few weeks ago, Henry got itchy.

 At first we thought it was seasonal allergies.  Alas, his symptoms did not abate when the crud in the air changed from ragweed to leaf mold.  Hoping to ease his tender skin, Henry was given organic non soap free range rosemary baths.  (The little weirdo is probably allergic to rosemary.)  This bath protocol had no effect.  Next we tried a soothing oatmeal bath.  All that effort gained us nothing more than a clean Pomeranian.

Half of a child's dose of generic benadryl seemed to help a little.

Then, dandruff appeared.

We got serious: coal tar shampoo.

There does seem to be a reduction in both the itching and the dandruff.

In other good news, there is a decidedly positive side effect of coal tar.  Henry has never smelled more manly.

Friday, November 3, 2017

How about a Side of Whooping Cough with That?

It was a brisk fall day.  Perfect for a trip to the tractor store, the bank and Menards.  Since we went rural, errands require a bit more travel.  The Handsome One was at large so he came along for the ride, promising to buy me lunch.

Every item on my to-do list checked off, we headed into town (till we went rural we never used expressions like go "into town") and stopped at one of our favorite restaurants.  It's a quaint place with dark paneled walls,  a well worn long metal foot rest bolted to the bar, a rough wood floor and behind the bar a large number of hooks holding mugs marked with numbers drawn on the bottom- for the regulars.

There were no other customers in the joint.  We sat a table and began to study the craft beer selections written on a chalk board attached to the wall.  I picked out an IPA, THO picked out a dark something or other.  We ordered some food and settled in for a relaxing lunch.

A couple with two small children appeared.  For some unfathomable reason, out of the some ten empty tables available, they chose the one right next to ours.  "How are you?" we heard the waitress ask them.  "We're having lunch in a bar," said the woman.  "That tells you what kind of day we're having."

The younger child was strapped into a high chair.  Periodically she would wave at me and squeal, "hi!"  My firm policy is that one "hi" is enough.  This didn't stop her from continuing to greet me.  The other child was a few years older.  He fingered an electronic gadget and declared repeatedly that he wanted "a big sandwich".

Both youngsters coughed frequently and at times, violently.  The adults ordered drinks containing vodka for them, apple juice for the children.  The woman told the waitress that the boy wasn't in school because he has strep throat.

It's hard to enjoy your meal when you are certain that there is bacteria laden spittle floating around.  Well.  The nachos were good.  Heavy on the jalapenos.  I hear jalapenos have anti bacterial qualities.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Happy Halloween

Crevecoeur chickens aren't really demonic, they just look it.  


Monday, October 23, 2017

Pop Culture Frenzy, Round 63

Welcome once again to Pop Culture Frenzy.   Halloween is coming up.  Pick a costume for another player.  I'll start.

Fluffy as Ann Coulter.

Fluffy's too fat.

Not too fat to observe that Cyndi clings
to the bizarre feminist notion 
that it is somehow empowering to make 
disparaging remarks about another
 women's appearance.

Speaking of make believe feminists.
Didn't Hillary just get some

Hostmaster:  First Prize for not knowing when to leave?

The Woman's Media Center gave her
a Wonderwoman Award
for steadfastness and bravery
in public service.

I think we've found Cyndi's costume!
She can dress as Hillary dressed as Wonder Woman.

Hostmaster:  OK.  Let's do another.

Bryan as Grumpy Cat.

Hostmaster:  good one.  

Hostmaster as Kim Jong-un

Hostmaster:  hmmm.  I see Bryan as an old style troubled loner killer. 

So, more Charles Whitman than
Omar Mateen. 

Hostmaster:  see?  You're a natural.

Hostmaster as Harvey Weinstein.

Hostmaster:  not bad.  I see Cyndi as an airhead actress with sudden recovered Harvey Weinstein memory syndrome.  Be sure to wear something sexy.  We'll stand close for pictures at the Halloween party!

Naturally, Hostmaster will go as Harvey 
before the intensive therapy.  

Like the therapy, this round is over.

Round 63
Fluffy/Molly  32
Bryan/Cyndi   28

I wanna go as a flying squirrel.

Friday, October 20, 2017

Breed Profile: Great Pyrenees

The Great Pyrenees (AKA Pyrenean Mountain Dog) was originally used as a flock guardian.  The breed has been around at least since 3000 B.C. when nomadic shepherds brought their sheep and dogs to the Pyrenees Mountains.  Today, many GP's still work as guardians.  Many are pets,  companions, therapy dogs.

Some Great Pyrenees Facts
 - lifespan 10-12 years
-  height:  25-32 inches at shoulder
-  weight:  85-115 pounds
-  double dewclaws on hind legs
-  double coat in white or white with some markings.  The undercoat is dense and wooly, the outer coat is coarse and straight
-  recognized by the American Kennel Club in 1933, a member of the Working Group

The Great Pyrenees is often described as majestic.  (Strangely, the Fright Wig is rarely mentioned.)
GP's are also described as calm, confident, alert, affectionate, strong willed, gentle with family and animals of the home, suspicious of strangers, fearless and serious.

 Great Pyrenees Manifesto

- yes, I do bark a lot.  It's because I take my guardian job seriously.

-  if you are looking for a dog who loves everything and everybody that wanders by, get a Golden Retriever

-  you needn't trouble yourself telling me what to do.  I have everything under control.  You're welcome. 

I don't always sit down on the job.  But when I do, it's in a comfortable chair.

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Pop Culture Frenzy, Round 62

Welcome once again to Pop Culture Frenzy.  Most people have heard about Hillary Clinton's latest literary effort entitled, "What Happened".  Now there's talk of making a movie based on this book.

Who should star in it?

There was that alt right propaganda movie 
last year.  They need to get the truth out.  
Ashley Judd should play Hillary.

Hostmaster:  Ashley Judd certainly has a flair for righteous indignation.  Good choice.

Chelsea Handler would make
a good Hillary.  They share a similar
 pale faux feminist arrogance.

Hostmaster:  and a similar squirrelly voice.

Here's an idea for the Halloween season. 
They should do the movie from
Vince Foster's point of view.
Trouble is, the only actors I 
can think of to play him are dead.

Hostmaster:  Seth Rich isn't available either.

You want scary?  How about starring 
that woman who has her picture taken 
while on the toilet.  You know,
the one who is mean to her 
dog and her little sister?

Good choice.  The camera does
 love Lena Dunham.  Personally, 
I think Megan Kelly should play Hillary.
  Megan has that slimy former attorney vibe
 that could really bring the role to life.   

Round 62
Fluffy/Molly  30
Bryon/Cyndi   27

For more about the Hillary horror movie here.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

For the "I Didn't Know That!" File

Here's a couple things I learned this summer.

Herons are not the solitary creatures I thought they were.  Last week I saw no fewer than 3 sets of at least 10 Herons flying overhead in V formation.

Herons fly rather low, making identification easy. 

Another thing I learned is that Groundhogs can climb trees.

How about that?  Groundhogs are chubby squirrels!

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Pop Culture Frenzy, Round 61

Welcome once again to Pop Culture Frenzy.  Something rather extraordinary occurred in Worms, Germany to a guy working out at a gym.

What happened?

He got pinned under a set of princess dumbbells?

Hostmaster:  incorrect.

He got offered a modeling contract?

Hostmaster:  incorrect.

He fell on the treadmill and got
 his tongue caught in the gears?

Hostmaster:  close.  Well, in a way.  Here's a hint.  Weight plate.

I sure hope I'm wrong.
He inserted his member in
the weight plate hole?

Hostmaster:  correct.  You might call it an exclusive membership.

A musclehead's knothole!

There's a hole,
 there's a hole, there's a hole!

How did he get, um, out of the weight plate?

The excitement waned and he faded
into Worm history!

Hostmaster:  not exactly.  He required some help from firemen and their tools.  Here's a visual.

I predict that new warning labels
will appear in weight rooms all
over the world.

This round is over.
Read about the gym rat's adventure here.

Round 61
Fluffy/Molly  29
Bryan/Cyndi   25