Friday, November 27, 2015

A Week in the Duckhood

Early this week about eight inches of snow fell.

I blazed a trail for the ducks so they could leave their enclosure and wander around.  They didn't go far the first day -only to one their favorite napping spots.

Soon, they blazed their own trail.

The snow began to melt.

Then it began to rain.

As far as ducks are concerned, it can never be too wet.

With all that water, it's easy to keep well-groomed.

Looking good and feeling good -time for another lap around the hood.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Pop Culture Frenzy, Round 40

Welcome once again to Pop Culture Frenzy.  Here's our question.

What do Sandra Day O'Connor, Toni Morrison, Julie Taymor and Miss Piggy have in common?
They are all progressives?
Hostmaster:  incorrect.  Wasn't O'Connor a Reagan appointee to SCOTUS?
Yes.  While Reagan was a
 conservative,  O'Connor is not. 
 At best, she is a moderate.
Hostmaster:  Cyndi?
They are all famous ground breaking women.
Hostmaster:  close.
A pig puppet is a ground breaking woman?
She's, you know,
strong and unafraid to
express her opinion.
Isn't her boyfriend
a whiny henpecked
frog puppet?
Power to the puppet!
Please tell me this list of, um,
 females is not some sort of
feminist cadre.
Hostmaster:  yes.  They are all recipients of feminist awards.  Most recently, Miss Piggy received the Sackler Center for Feminist Art Award.  
I guess I just don't
 understand art.
All of them color their hair.
Feminists are catty!
Who would've guessed!
So ends another round of Pop Culture Frenzy.
Round 40
Fluffy/Molly   17
Bryan/Cyndi    16

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Don't Tell Me What to Do

The last straw was the vinegar.

The groceries were paid for and bagged.  Time to head out of the store. That's when I saw the jug of vinegar on the bottom rack of the grocery cart.  I'd forgotten to put it on the conveyor belt.  The person behind me already had half of her groceries rung up.  I suggested to Cashier and Bag Boy that they return the vinegar to the shelf when things slowed down.

"No, no," said the cashier, grabbing the jug of vinegar.  "Three isn't busy".  

"You're not listening,"  I muttered, following the cashier and the vinegar to Checkout 3.  She sure wasn't because before I knew it, the number three cashier had rung up the vinegar.  There was a customer on Checkout 3 just unloading the last of her groceries.  I apologized to her.

"Have a nice day," said original cashier.  "Have a nice day," said number three cashier.

I took my puppies to "puppy class".  It's a nice way to expose them to other dogs, socialization, and all that.  Besides, a little brush up on training techniques never does me any harm. (Or so I used to think.)

"You should clicker train your dogs,"  said the instructor, handing me clicker.  (Free with your enrollment in 6 weeks of doggy school!  I've got a collection of them already.)

I explained that I've tried clicker training and find it adds another layer of difficulty what with juggling the clicker and the leash and getting the timing right.  I've found using my voice is more effective.

"But you can teach your dog so much better with a clicker,"  the instructor declared.

One of my neighbors, self appointed social secretary, informed me that another neighbor wanted to meet me and my dogs.  Though I had no particular desire for this confrontation, er, ordeal, er, get together, in the spirit of neighborliness, I agreed that the two women could come to my home for the, er, introductions.

Social secretary neighbor suggested she bring some dessert!  I told her that this would be a brief meeting and we would not even be sitting down during it, let alone eating (though I said it a little nicer than that).

There we were, the, er, pleasantries underway, the resident ducks could be seen wandering around the grounds.

"You should pen those ducks," neighbor told me.  "They could get taken out by a predator." 

Pointing to the duck house, I told her that they are confined there at night when the risk of dying by predator is most likely.

"Foxes come right up, even during the day,"  neighbor said. 

Ducks need to walk around and forage for bugs, I countered.  Yes, there are risks to allowing them free range.  Sure, stuck in a pen all the time might keep them from being attacked by a fox, but I have decided to let them roam, let them be ducks.    

"There are hawks too,"  neighbor added.

I find the Serenity Prayer works best after a rant.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Fluffy and George on Jack-o'-Lanterns


The U.S. Dept. of Energy
claims that jack-o'-lanterns
are contributing to global

Let me guess.
All those little candles
inside the pumpkins
burning at the same time
super heat the earth.
No. Pumpkins decaying in
landfills make methane which
is now considered more dangerous
than carbon dioxide.
So you can't compost them.
  Because of methane.
  Can't eat them.
Yep.  More dangerous
than greenhouse gas.
We seem to be painted
into a corner.
Good thing the
globe is round.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Pop Culture Frenzy, Round 39

Welcome once again to Pop Culture Frenzy.  Today's question involves the whereabouts of a snake named Elvis.  Some Floridian harboring a death wish has been harboring a Cobra.  On or about September 1st the Cobra escaped.

A couple days later, snake boy reported the missing Cobra.  Soon, folks in Orlando tread with trepidation, school children were denied recess.  Snake fear specifically, and in general, reached new heights thanks to a guy who let his highly venomous pet go on walkabout. 

About a month later, the Cobra turned up and was corralled by animal control. Where was the snake finally found?


Behind the wheel of a Ford Cobra?
Hostmaster:  incorrect. 
In the company of a gang of sewer alligators?
Hostmaster:  incorrect.
In a child's backpack?
Hostmaster:  incorrect.  You have to wonder if this guy will get in trouble for endangering people and inconveniencing children.  He was charged by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission for waiting more than two days before reporting the snake missing.  He has pled not guilty.  If it goes to trial, perhaps Elvis will be called as a character witness.
Where was the snake called Elvis found?
Working in a pet store in Kalamazoo?
Hostmaster:  incorrect.
Hiding in a squirrel's nest? 
Hostmaster:  incorrect.
In a laundry basket waiting
 to be charmed out of a pile of clothes?
Hostmaster:  close enough.
Here's what happened.  A woman living about a half mile from where Elvis the Cobra escaped, was doing some laundry in her garage.  She heard a curious hissing sound.  Upon investigation, she discovered the missing snake coiled and annoyed under her dryer.
Animal control officers caught the snake but it was too large for their snake cage so they put it in a cat cage.  Elvis is said to be somewhere between 8 and 10 feet in length.
So ends another round of Pop Culture Frenzy.
Round 39 
Fluffy/Molly  17
Bryan/Cyndi   15

Friday, October 9, 2015

They Found Me

There are many things about living in suburbia that I do not miss.  For instance, the common occurrence whereby a car stuffed with people parks on the street. The people pile out.  After a brief huddle, they break into pairs and each pair heads off in a different direction.

That's right.  Jehovah Witnesses doing their thing.

Now that I am living rural, I figured the JW wouldn't bother bothering me anymore.

Not so.

Even though my house is some distance from the road, indeed, is barely visible from the road, still they came.  A car stuffed with people. 

I saw the car and went out to see who they were.  The car was pulling away.  A young man in the passenger seat told me they left me a pamphlet.

Sure enough.  There was a pamphlet on the back porch.  "Where can we find answers to life's big questions?" asks the pamphlet in bold letters.

On the next page, you are invited to visit the JW web site for the answers.  JW don't even bother to talk to us non JWs anymore.  They've got a website!  Must be quite the time saver.

The car stuffed full of JWs drove away before I could ask each one of them for their home address.

I was thinking of showing up uninvited at each of their homes and leaving a Rosary on their back porch.