Thursday, April 21, 2016

They're Back and So is My Cussing Habit

For the past several years, I have made a sincere effort to reduce my swearing.  It has gone fairly well- most of the time.  Then there are times when the effects of outside forces negatively effect my peace of mind.  After that, an explosion of bad words flow like a waterfall down a sheer cliff.

The latest cussed avalanche began when after a short time strolling around the grounds, Lois sported over a dozen hanger-ons.  My initial response was to yell, "I will kill you!"  Then collecting the tools to do the job, I continued, "I will **** kill you!"

Henry too, was tick ridden.  Tweezers poised, I exclaimed, "you ***** tick bastards!  You will die a **** horrible death!"
After removal from their unwilling hosts, the ticks were dropped into a deadly alcohol bath.  "Die!  Die!  Die!  You evil ****  ****!"

Later, as the Tick Killer was showering, the swearing increased considerably.   "How dare you!  You ****!" 

Two ticks were upon my body.  Gripping them between my thumb and finger, I stepped out of the shower, dripping all over the floor.  Seizing a pair of cuticle scissors, I cut each tick in half and then in half again.

"Take that, you **** parasitical ****!"

The bathroom nightmare wasn't over, though.  Soon, a horrible discovery.  There was a tick nestled between my toes.   "Ahhrrgggh!  ****!  You are not welcome here, ***** !"  

This tick too, was cut in half and in half again.  "I will kill you all!  You, and all your **** brethren!  **** ***** *****!!"

Lois, the voice of reason, suggests that the ducks be called upon to dispatch the ticks at ground level.

If needed, wild reinforcements are also at the ready.

OK, birds.  Get out there and kill, kill, **** kill.

Sunday, April 10, 2016

There's Been a Breach

Sacks of duck feed are kept in the garage, inside a large plastic tub with a secure lid.  All winter long, the duck food has remained clean and dry and easy for the Duck Keeper to access. 

Then came Spring.

That there are mice in the garage is not news.  They've been leaving their droppings on the lid of the duck food container and lots of other places too.  For example, there are mice droppings intermingled with crumbs of soap surrounding a little plastic container holding a bar of soap.  (This soap is in the garage now.  In season, the soap sits beside a rain barrel so the Duck Keeper can wash her hands without having to go inside the house.)

The soap crumbs tell us that mice can get through plastic.  Still, they had not breached the tub holding the duck food.   That changed.  Perhaps energized by the Spring Equinox, they ramped up their efforts.

One day a hole was present in the side of the container.  Employing low tech ingenuity, the Duck Keeper stuffed a rag in the hole.

The rag held, but a second hole appeared.  The Duck Keeper stuffed an second rag in the second hole.

The Duck Keeper transferred the duck food into a metal container.  Will there be another breach?  Stay tuned.

Monday, April 4, 2016

Pop Culture Frenzy, Round 45

Welcome once again to Pop Culture Frenzy.  Just the other day,  John Kasich reignited an old outrage.  When will politicians learn not to eat pizza in public?

That's not our question. Here's our question.
What is the correct way to eat pizza?

On a plate using a
knife and fork.

Hostmaster:  isn't that a little uppity?
Uppity?  No.
  It's not a sandwich.
Maybe birds don't have a roof
of the mouth to burn.
Hostmaster:  hmmm.
Don't eat pizza.
It's bad for you.
Hostmaster:  Bryan?
It depends.  If you are on horseback and
it's cold pizza, use your hands.
If you are sitting at a table and
it is a hot deep dish pizza, use silverware.
Hostmaster:  Molly?
Just eat it.  
Hostmaster:  correct. 
For those wondering what John Kasich did with his pizza the other day, he used a fork for the first bite due to what he described as, "scalding hotness".  After that, he picked up the slice and bit off mouthfuls.

So ends another round of Pop Culture Frenzy.  Let's go for pizza.  Cyndi's buying!

Round 45
Fluffy/Molly  21
Bryan/Cyndi  18