Safety Hurts

I had a sinus headache. You know the ones that hit one side of your head in a focused way. Like behind one eye. The pain is so awful you think you might even throw up. So I took a pill. Or tried to. Safety packets. Thank you for keeping me safe from the rouge wacko that I have a one in a billion chance of encountering!

Meanwhile, I can't get the dang package open to relieve my headache. There comes a time when you are very willing to risk being poisoned by the random act of a sicko just on the off chance of getting relief from your pain. Please someone sell me pills not in an inaccessible safety packet!

The packets holding the sinus headache pills have instructions on them which are small and hard to read. My headache made it even harder to read. OK, fold the corner than grab a tiny piece of foil and pull. I couldn't grip it. I used tweezers. The foil tore. Crazed, I stabbed the foil with the tweezers. This pulverized one of the pills. And the safety packet was still more or less intact. Leaving me still pill less. My headache remained.

Another day another pain. The pill to ease arthritis pain is in a bottle with a child proof lid. Never mind that there are no children in my house. It ever so reassuring to know that any child passing by will be kept safe from my pills. To open the bottle you must push down while turning. My knuckles are what hurts and the reason I'm opening the stupid bottle. But I can't push and turn to open the confounded bottle without adding pain to the very knuckles that are seeking pain relief from the bottle.

Morning mouth is a common occurrence. You awaken and your mouth has an unpleasant stale taste. Swish a little mouthwash and freshness is achieved. But first you must get to the mouthwash. To do so, squeeze the plastic lid- just so, as you turn -just so. One morning after repeated attempts failed to result in an open bottle, I took the bottle into the garage. I plugged in the Sawz-all. I secured the bottle in a vice. Figuring the Sawz-all blade designed for cutting metal was up to the job, I lopped the top off the bottle just under the lid.

Yes, I know. Safety Breach Alert! If Lindsey Lohan should break out of rehab again and she should happen to wander in and around my home downing the baking vanilla, the cooking sherry, the peroxide, then finds the open bottle of mouthwash under the sink in the master bathroom, it will be all my fault.

Sorry about that.